Life can be hard sometimes

Life a little crazy these days. With my husband working almost full time and me trying to finish this endless journey. Yes, I am still writing my thesis. In the middle of that, I am still working on my second case study. Totally different data set (i.e. different measurement, different variables, etc). To make things more worse challenging, after I have produced multiple sets of results from my model on this data, we (my postdoc, the professor from the collaboration research team & myself) found that the analysis just represent 5% of the total data population. Eeekkk... It is not anybody fault. Let's just say things happen and they happen for a reason. This happened mid-August. So by now, I've recovered from the stress and panic that glitch had caused.

I've met with my supervisor last two weeks and highligted some obsevations and conclusions drawn from my second case study. Also, I try to negotiate with her to put a pause/stop in this second case study. I totally understand why they (research team) are passionate with the method I'm working on but I am at the point where I want to continue with the research but my funding has already run out. In fact, my funds ran out in July 2012. This second case study (as well as my first case study) if fully succesfull will be quite a breakthrough in an emerging field.

Pushing through all this hardships has most of the time takes its toll on me. Really. I'm ever so grateful to Allah for giving an understanding and supportive husband. Sometimes he can looks like he does not care because he didn't ask about my research progress. But I know he cares when he is alright if I don't cook for certain day (which is seldom), when he said we arrange for packing our things once you get your date for viva, and many other instances.

Ya Hayyu, ya Qayyumu, bi-rahmatika astaghithu 

(O the Living, O the Eternal, I seek help in Your grace)

boleh hubungi saya di...

Pada Maria & Zakiah yang meminta alamat emel saya, cik/ puan boleh hubungi saya di alamat emel berikut:
nanadilla at yahoo titik com
atau
nanadilla at gmail titik com

mana2 pun ok saja :)

Terima kasih sudi meluangkan masa berkunjung ke blog saya, meninggalkan komen & menguhubungi saya :)

Our Auni is 1 today



You are so happy to be out and about :)



Our Auni is expected to be delivered on the 23rd August, 2011 but she didn't. We think she liked it too much in there :)
At first we thought she wanted to wait until 1st Syawal to make her debut. Erkk... WRONG! No sign of her. Then we thought she wanted to be 'anak merdeka' (31st August). Errk... WRONG again!.

Finally, on the 7th of September, nearly at the turn of the clock to reach midnight, there she is. Lots of hair (and long too, reaching her neck) & kicking on her way out; our precious Auni.

 

You refuse to smile even the tiniest bit at the photography shop :(

 Auni, you are ONE year old today. Happy Birthday Darling :)

There's so much happening during this one year and sometime I forget to record them. Even though I forget to record them, it does not mean I forget about them. So here are some of the fondest memories in your 1st year...

1.  You are such a good baby. You start sleeping well at the age of 1-2 months. Bless you.
2. At 5 months, you start saying Ibu and Papa.
3. You always smile even with strangers.
4. The things people always say about you is "Auni is such a happy baby." and "She's not afraid of other people." & "She has lovely eyes.
5. You like watching your nasyid Anak-Anak Islami.
6. You like watching Fireman Sam & Numtums, and of course your favorites: Baby Jack & Raa Raa The Noisy Lion.
7. You like going to playgroup and making friends with other babies.
8. You kick hard, even in the water (remember the time you go to such a distance in the water during your Water Peep session).
9. You like to JUMP when you are about 6-7 months old. I mean REALLY JUMP!
10. You start taking small steps when you are about 8 months old.
11. And one evening, as we were playing bubbles, you start to confidently walk just so that you can catch the bubbles :)
12. You like to clap whenever we sing to you.
13. Sometimes you woke up at night and clap your hand :)
14. You are always so determine.
15. You are one cheeky little girl. Whenever you sit on our lap, or when we hold you, and we are not paying attention to you, you would nod you head sideway and make funny faces :)
16. You would sit on my lap when I sit between prostration and during Tahiyat whenever I am performing solat.
17. You succeeded in doing your vertical climbing about two days ago.
18. You are quite ahead of many milestones except for first tooth. Your first tooth debut itself when you are about 9 months old.

... and of all things, you are truly a MIRACLE to us.



Laughing & clapping your way around town :)



Shopping at Dorothy Perkins and H&M

I got to know from a friend that a (or two?) H&M store will open soon in Malaysia.
The first thing that cross my mind is what is the price range of the clothings, etc?

Let me share with you some of my shopping experience at Dorothy Perkins and H&M. I don't go shopping for myself often (shopping for my daughter is entirely a different episode :P). If I do, it's usually during sales months, like Boxing Day (starts on the next day afer Christmas going on until January), Spring Sale (around March-April) and Summer Sale (around July-August). Even then, I rarely shop for clothes.

I consider the price range for clothings at Dorothy Perkins and H&M as affordable if compared to clothings line at John Lewis, Debenhams, and Fenwick (this great store does not have an online store, what a shame!) to name a few. Even if you convert the UK prices to Malaysian Ringgit, I'd still say it is quite cheap compared to Dorothy Perkins and H&M prices in Malaysia. Dorothy Perkins for example, most of the time has a sale for two pairs of jeans at the price of 25pound. That is only RM100!!! At H&M, you can get a pair of jeans at 3pound (RM15)! YES! I am not kidding you girls, that is during summer sale!

(Just so you know, the quality of the clothings at John Lewis and Fenwick are way at the top compared to Dorothy Perkins and H&M)

There's another store which has plenty of pretty clothing lines for kids, it is called NEXT. I love love love NEXT's kids clothing; the quality, the design and the colours are fabulous! NEXT usually has about 3-4 sales lined up in a year. The sales start at 6.00a.m. in the morning and people starts queueing in front of the store around 4a.m! I know it sounds CRAZY but believe me, it is worth it. Sadly, I always miss NEXT's sales. I always got to know about it the day after the sales. So by the time I went all the good stuff has been taken. The only time I got lucky was during NEXT's recent summer sale. I somehow got to know about the sale few hours after it started. Being few hours late, I went to the store with little interest because I know there's not much option anymore. Surprisingly, there're PLENTY more. The perk of NEXT sales is that all stuff are 50% off. If you have a little girl, imagine how to stay sane and not buying beautiful dresses at half the price!

I think one of the things which I'm gonna miss when I leave UK is the sales. I know it sounds horrible but that's the truth. I don't think I can get a pair of jeans for RM15 even at pasar malam :(

Oh! Why don't I mention anything about Mark & Spencer? Well, let's just say their clothings lines (design and price wise) aren't so interesting (to my taste).

When REALITY hits!

I was cleaning up my e-mail draft when I found the following rant of mine. I wrote this quite a while ago.

*********************************************************************************
It was 5.30 in the evening. I was on my way to the toilet to clean up my coffee mug so that I have a clean mug to make coffee for tomorrow. At the landing of the staircase, I ran into Dr. Katarina, a previous ‘officemate’ of mine. She is a post-doc at our department in the university. We talked for few minutes mostly about how am I coping with work (and life!) after having a baby.

The conversation got me thinking of several things. Among others are:
· period of maternity leave
· quality time with my daughter
· bringing work back home

Most companies in the UK allows a maternity leave of 26 weeks of Ordinary Maternity Leave and 26 weeks of Additional Maternity Leave making that 52 weeks ( 1 year!) in total. It is a paid leave albeit not in full as is your salary. OK, enough about maternity leave.

I still remember my disbelief when a friend of mine who have two kids told me that she did not have time to watch any TV programme. By the way, she is working on her PhD too. I was pregnant at that time and I said,

“I’m busy too but I manage to fit in watching TV while folding my laundry.”

Now is when the reality hits me HARD.

I am a big fan of the Desperate Housewives series. I never missed an episode and I can never miss an episode. But now, it takes me like five sits to actually finish an episode. I’ve already mention it in my previous post, once I am home, my focus is my daughter until her bedtime is up. Once I put her to sleep, I am too tired to watch anything, sleeping is much more inviting.

I am pretty sure part of this is because of I am working on my PhD now. I am not one who likes to compare myself to others but I cannot help if some of my friends put up their facebook status as ‘… watching bla bla bla…” I do envy them.

I know some of you who read this up until this point will think that I am boasting. The thought “As if she’s the only one who is doing Phd” probably run through your head. Truth is I am not. This is my reality. Yours is probably different than mine, either its worse or better. I hope yours is the latter.

Bringing work back home is not something alien to me even during those days when I was still single. So when Dr. Katarina said she stayed up at night to finish her work, I totally understand that. The only difference is, I hardly stay up but I wake up early. Sometimes I do wonder how it feels to have a job where you do not have to physically bring home any work. Again I am by no means saying that my job is greater or better than others. And by no means I am whining. I am just wondering...

Nobody begins their PhD with an aim not to finish (on time)

I wrote the above as my FB status last week. No, I wasn't particularly feeling extra sensitive or edgy when I wrote that down. Honest! It just crossed my mind that most people (especially those who are not working on getting a PhD) do not have a single idea on what a PhD is all about.

Some thought working on a PhD is similar to studying for your Bachelor degree (i.e. in 4-5 years, you'll graduate)

Some thought if you are a genius, you'll definitely get a PhD.

Some thought as long as you study like MAD (like those SPM candidates), you'll PASS your VIVA.

Some thought you have to go to classes just like undergrads.

Some thought you have semester breaks, again, just like undergrads.

Some thought if you are not anywhere near the university,  you are LAZY!

Let me tell you one thing, all the above are WRONG! Well, some are partially wrong.

In less than 0.01% is PhD similar to a Bachelor degree. In what way it is similar? The part that you have to know how to read and write. The rest aren't!

Being a genius is not a guarantee that a PhD is definitely yours. But being determine and persevere does.
edited: But being determine and persevere do help though it is still not guaranteed.
Of course you need to study like MAD, but not MAD MAD. You need to be critical of what you read & write. Also, critical but not overthinking and certainly not afraid of 'what if it fails?' in determining the methods (methodology) to achieve your objectives.
Yes, as a PhD candidate/student you may have to attend classes but there's a difference. Undergrads have their paths mapped out, what classes you take, when to take it, etc. In my case, I am not required to take any classes but I have to attend numbers of workshops (certain amount of credit hours per study year are compulsory) . So in regards to my information on PhD classes, if my information is not up to date, I apologize.
PhD students do not have semester breaks but we can apply for annual leave. In my university, we are entitled for 30 days annual leave per year (if I'm not mistaken).

PhD students have the flexibility to work from home. Probably not all, but I do. I can choose to work from home if I wish too. My supervisors are OK with that.

I notice an Anonymous leaving a comment in this post. Ms/Mr Anonymous ask:
assalam.


faham tentang ikat perut pelajar phd di sana.cuma tak berapa nak faham sebab ramai jgk pelajar yang tak habis pengajian dlm masa yg ditetapkan oleh majikan. berlainan kalau pergi ke jepun. maaf saya hanya nak tahu.

wassalam.
July 18, 2012 7:17 PM

I will answer this in a later post, insya-Allah once I'm done with my writing up of the thesis. I will share with you (not just Ms/Mr Anonymous, but anyone who's willing to read a probably long post) my journey in working on my PhD. Probably from that, you'll gain an insight to answer the above question yourself. I can't promise when though.

For now let me finish with this:

Nobody (in their right mind) would want to not complete their PhD the soonest possible.

Ramadhan Kareem to all :)

Sun hat for rainy days?

  Summer is supposedly here by now. Instead we have rainy days and windy days. Well, I am not complaining. I am enjoying the weather as long as I can. Once I am back in Malaysia, there'll be no more 'no sweat' days as it is here :)

 

I made Auni a sun hat last week using this tutorial the day before the Olympic Run reach Newcastle. The plan is for her to wear it on the day of the event so we can take pretty pictures. But it rained that afternoon. So no sun hat outside, just inside the house...

Here's some more pictures from the Torch Relay event in Newcastle.  

The Olympic mascot and us

One of the official sponsors. Oh! Such a nice phone!

THE Restaurant 'RASA NUSANTARA' at the back

I don't remember the name of this gentleman, but he is one of the England football player I think.

The guys in grey are policemen.