Cerita Cinta I

Aku peminat tegar lagu rock kapak. Kalau korang membesar dalam tahun 1980-90-an, lagu rock kapak ni memang menjadi halwa telinga. Kiranya lagu-lagu seperti Dari Sinar Mata (Bumiputra Rocker), Layu di Hujung Mekar (Rio), Kain Cinta Putih (Putra), dan banyak lagi tu adalah antara lagu-lagu terbaik pada zaman tu. Pernah dengar lagu Sejiwa (Spring)? Kalau belum, pergi cari jap kat Youtube, memang tangkap lentok beb. 

Walau bagaimanapun, aku bukan peminat drama atau filem Melayu. Pernahlah aku minat filem Melayu, zaman Deana Yusoff berlakon dulu. Kenapa entah aku boleh terminat sekejap dengan Deana Yusoff, aku pun tak tau. Mungkin sebab dia nampak seperti 'the girl next door' atau mungkin sebab dia cantik tanpa nampak OTT (over the top). Serius aku tak tau. 

Bila meningkat dewasa, aku menjadi pengkritik tegar drama Melayu. Terutamanya drama-drama seperti Gerak Khas dan lambakan drama Melayu yang serius merepek. Aku boleh maafkan 'production house' nak menjual tema cinta lagipun itulah tema yang paling laku di Malaysia ni pun. Kalau buat drama, stesen TV tak nak beli, mana nak cekau duit bayar gaji pelakon, jurukamera, bla bla bla kan? Tapi boleh tak korang cuba menjadi lebih kreatif? 

Aku tak nafikan adalah beberapa kerat drama/telemovie yang bagus. Tapi peratusannya sangat kecil. Ada satu telemovie yang Allayarhamah Azean Irdawaty berlakon jadi orang terencat akal, kemudian dirogol oleh Jalaluddin. Pada aku, telemovie tu ada mesej yang nak disampaikan. 

Eh! Panjangnya mukadimah. Sebenarnya mukadimah yang panjang ni, aku nak cerita tentang drama-drama Melayu kat TV sekarang. Jujurnya aku memang tak tengok siaran TV sangat dan di usia begini -dah nak masuk 4 series :-), aku memang tak boleh fokus. Selalunya, sesi menonton aku diakhiri dengan TV yang tengok aku tertido. Rancangan yang aku masih boleh layan hanyalah The Amazing Race. Tu pun pernah aku pernah tertido. Penat korang, lepas makan. solat Maghrib & Isyak, aku layan Auni main Lego atau Playdoh dia, pastu sebelum 10 selalunya aku dah masuk tido. Adalah sekali- sekala terlajak ke pukul 11 atau 12 tapi tu jarang sangat. 

Info pasal drama apa yang top di TV selalunya aku dpt di Facebook. Kengkawan aku ramai je yg rajin berkongsi update. Sekali dalam tempoh beberapa bulan, aku akan menjengah ke website di mana aku boleh streaming drama-drama ni. Itupun aku bukannya dapat dok menghadap. Aku perlu berbuat sesuatu untuk stay alert. Aku siapkan minute meeting, aku update files, apa sajalah aktiviti. Aku terpaksa multitasking begitu untuk tidak fall asleep dan juga dihujani rasa bersalah menonton drama yang tak berfaedah. Aku rasa untuk tahun 2013 & 2014, takde satu drama pun yang aku khatam kesemua episod. Dari episod 9 aku rewind ke episod 2 pastu fastforward ke episod 13. Lebih kurang gitulah. 

Aku tengok drama-drama Melayu sekarang ni banyak sangat adegan-adegan gatal. Segelintir orang mungkin beranggapan itu adegan romantik. Romantik pun agak-agak la. Ini melampau-lampau romantiknya. Memanglah tu adegan suami isteri tapi perlu ke sampai berpeluk berhimpitan umpama korang dah ghairah sangat?! Tolonglah para prodesur & pengarah, kalau nak bagi rating naik sekalipun, tolong ingat sikit, korang pun dapat share dunia & akhirat uols. Korang kena ingat, yang menonton drama-drama picisan korang tu adalah dari pelbagai lapisan masyarakat. Bukan sekadar taraf mak-mak macam aku ni. Anak-anak kepada mak-mak ni pun ikut sama menonton tau! Kalau budak-budak tengah nak up tu teruja kesan dari melihat drama-drama korang, lantas melampiaskan nafsunya dengan merogol, me-'whatsoever', korang secara langsung telah menyumbang kepada meningkatnya masalah keruntuhan moral OK. Ready ke nak jawab di akhirat nanti?

Untuk mak-mak, aku akui kita balik kerja, kita penat dan kita nak rehat. Istilah rehat kita ialah dengan menonton TV dengan anak-anak. Jujurnya aku rasa tak salah pun aktiviti menonton tu. Namun kita harus jadi ibu bapa yang cakna. Sambil menonton tu ambillah inisiatif untuk berdakwah pada anak-anak kita. Terangkan yang mana dan yang mana buruk. Tapi kalau anak-anak bertanya, kalau dah salah kenapa pelakon so and so buat, pandai-pandailah korang jawab ye. Huhuhu...

Aku anak baru seorang, kecil sangat lagi pun. Tak tau apa yang menanti aku di depan sana. Tapi bila aku tengok para pelajar di sekeliling aku, aku tengok apa yang berlaku di luar lingkungan selamat (safety cocone) aku, aku jadi risau. Timbul rasa tanggungjawab sesama Muslim. Aku masih tak mampu nak pergi buat street dakwah (malu OK pada saudara-saudara Muslim yang gigih berdakwah). Jadi apa kata kita mulakan di rumah dengan diri dan keluarga kita dulu.

Doaku di tahun baru 2015 ini, semoga kita mampu menjadi Muslim berfaedah kepada Islam.

Thanks for reading :-)  

Muda?!

Ini cerita tahun lepas. Saja nak share hari ni sebab tiba-tiba teringat. Aku berterima kasih pada orang-orang sekeliling aku yang cuba sehabis daya membuatkan aku perasan muda.

Contohnya, Pak Guard tempat aku kerja ni. Masa aku baru habis PhD dan nak masuk report duty semula, aku kena buat staff card yang baru. Tempatnya ialah di pejabat pengawal. Kat area pondok pengawal tu susah nak parking. Jadi aku dengan gigihnya berjalan kaki dari opis aku ke pejabat itu. Memang jauh. Berpeluh-peluh aku meredah matahari yang terik ketika itu.

Kat pejabat pengawal tu, papan tanda ada tapi baik tak payah ada kot. Berterabur sampai aku keliru arah mana nak dituju. Aku pun ketuk satu pintu yang paling dekat untuk bertanya arah. Elok je aku menjengahkan diri, tetiba je aku disergah oleh pengawal dengan muka yang garang.

"Kad matrik mana?"

Terkejut OK.

Ikutkan cuaca panas, badan melekit, hati pun tetiba panas bila disergah gitu, nak je aku menyampaikan syarahan ala peserta program dakwah yang bertebaran di media utama sekarang. Namun aku cuba sabar dan menegur Pak Guard itu dengan cara yang berhemah. Nampaklah Pak Guard itu sedikit gugup bila aku bagitahu yang aku staff dan pensyarah di situ. Tapi dia cuba menyembunyikan kegugupannya umpama menegakkan benang yang basah. Pak Guard itu beralasan,

"Student ni dah diwajibkan pakai kad matrik tapi bukannya nak pakai. Manalah kita kenal yang mana student yang mana staff."

Mungkin satu ketika dulu aku pun pernah berperangai sama macam Pak Guard tu. Mungkin itu adalah karma. Mungkin?

Aku terima kiranya ia adalah karma. Apakah kerana aku dianggap pelajar, maka aku selayaknya ditengking diherdik sebegitu rupa? Double standard ni aku tengok dah sebati sangat dengan masyarakat kita. Jom kita sama-sama cuba mengubah tatacara kita berurusan dengan orang yang lebih rendah kedudukannya dari kita. Insya-Allah bukan saja orang tak benci, malahan mungkin orang tu berdoa untuk kita. Di zaman serba pantas ni, tak ramai pun orang yang rajin tolong mendoakan kesejahteraan orang lain (kecuali di Facebook/ IG/ etc).

Gambar hiasan semata- pokok lemon yang kami beli tahun lepas. 

Thanks for reading :)

Nak rehat kejap je...

OK. Lama betul tak menulis di sini. Banyak sebenarnya yang berlaku dan memang banyak yang saya nak share. Tapi kesuntukan masa yang amat sangat. Saya tidur pun tak cukup tau. Sebab tu makin bertambah berat badan. Motif? Eh! Betul OK, memang ada kajian tentang kaitan antara tidur yang cukup dengan penurunan berat badan. I read it in one magazine back when I was in the UK.

Penatnya minggu ni. Tadi pagi bangun kul 3am, untuk study & siapkan lecture notes. Mantap sangatkan. Sadis sebenarnya. Bilalah boleh tidur dengan enak tanpa perlu memikirkan "Oh! Lecture notes/soalan kuiz, soalan exam, grading, bla bla bla tak siap lagi"

Ngadap komputer kul 3.20am kot baru start buat lecture notes. Terpaksa mencari inspirasi dulu. Mana lagi, haruslah di Pinterest. Dapatlah motivasi (kononnya) bila menengok orang share hasil quilts yang cantik, cara-cara buat baja organik (senang je ok, cuka+garam+air, sukatan boleh google), cara-cara mengemas rumah (over sgtkan), etc.

Pagi tadi sebelum pergi kerja, dalam hati dah berazam, habis je kelas, aku nak buat kuak lentang. Yiahooo... Tapi bila habis kelas, tengok atas meja, eeuuww... selambak lagi grading tak siap, carry marks tak release padahal bebudak exam hari Sabtu ni.

Oh! Sebelum tu, habis kelas tu saya order pizze untuk students. Ala, enam orang je pun studentsnya.Sebenarnya saya dihantui rasa bersalah dengan student sebab asyik tunda je kelas. Kononlah kelas postgraduate (PG), lantas saya pun sesedap rasa tunda. Tak suka sebenarnya tunda-tunda kelas ni, tapi memang semester ni saya rasa mcm tak sempat nak bernafas dengan teratur. I HATE to be UNORGANISED! Itupun kawan-kawan lecturer ni kata Dilla is sooo organised. Nangis mendengar pujian itu. Huk Huk... Jadi demi mengurangkan rasa bersalah itu, lantas saya pun membelanja mereka makan pizza. Jahat ke? Tak kot. Hahaha...

Dahlah. Nak sambung grading. Hari ni kena balik cepat. Esok cuti Krismas. Aku tidak mahu terkandas di dalam kesesakan jalan raya. Errk!

P.E.N.A.T!!!

Thanks for reading :)

Susu Ibu: Antara Realiti dan Fantasi

2014
Pagi tadi sewaktu mengemas folder Draft di gmail, terjumpa satu luahan perasaan yang saya tulis semasa Auni belum berusia setahun. Tak sempat nak catit tarikh draft ini ditulis, tapi kalau tak silap dalam tahun 2012. 

*******************************************************************************************************************************

Auni at 9 months

2012
Hari ni terbaca satu status seorang kenalan di facebook. Kami tak pernah bersua muka, sekadar mengenali atas dasar mutual friend. Yang saya nak maksudkan di sini ialah tiada sebarang sengketa antara kami sebelum ini. Statusnya berkenaan ibu-ibu yang menyusukan anak. Statusnya baik saja cuma ada satu frasa yang menyentak fikiran dan perasaan saya. 

... hanya hati seorang ibu yang tekad dan sabar, dengan penuh kasih kepada anak-anaknya yang mampu melakukannya [merujuk kepada wanita berkerjaya yang menyusukan anak kembarnya sehingga 6 bulan]...

Kenapa saya tersentak? 

Kerana saya berhenti menyusukan Auni cukup umurnya 1-2 bulan (mungkin lebih sikit). 

Kenapa saya berhenti menyusukan Auni? 

Kerana sewaktu usia Auni 2-3 minggu, saya mendapat mastitis. 

Kerana Auni sering menangis kelaparan tidak cukup susu. Tidurnya tidak pernah nyenyak. Kalau nyenyak pun kerana dia keletihan menangis. 

Saya pasti ramai yang tidak bersetuju dengan saya. Saya tak kisahlah apa pun pandangan orang selagi apa yang saya buat itu tidak menyalahi peraturan dalam Islam. Bukannya saya tak tahu susu ibu tu bagus. Tapi kalau dah Auni menangis tanpa henti semalaman kerana lapar, tergamakkah saya seorang ibu membiarkan anak saya kembung dan menangis hingga tiada suara? Begitukah yang dimahukan oleh orang-orang yang sangat hard-core terhadap breastfeed ni? 

Saya bersyukur punya seorang suami yang memahami dan tidak mendesak saya cuba juga menyusukan Auni dalam keadaan saya mendapat mastitis. Malah suami yang memujuk saya dan memberikan saya perspektif yang lebih luas. Kata suami "Memanglah susu ibu tu bagus tapi apa sekalipun yang paling penting ialah didikan berterusan yang kita berikan untuk Auni. Bukannya 100% guarantee anak jadi mukmin yang baik kalau dia disusukan dengan susu ibu. Whatever it is, didikan tu." 

Making and taking the decision to stop breastfeeding is not as easy as it seems. It takes me days to come to that decision. Berhari saya berfikir dan berkira-kira sama ada mahu terus menyusukan Auni atau berhenti. Sehingga ada ketikanya saya menjadi murung dan juga marah pada suami. Part of me wanting him to make the decision, be like those husbands whose decisions overruled everyone else. Another part of me thanking him for his understanding. Bila dah buat keputusan, masih dihantui rasa tak puas hati. Seperti nak berpatah balik dan terus mencuba. 

Keadaan menjadi tambah menekan bila saya tengok susu sahabat saya lebih banyak. Saya ini bukanlah jenis orang yang suka membandingkan diri saya dengan orang lain. Namun bila dicampur dengan tekanan dan kepenatan cuba menyusukan Auni, saya TERbandingkan diri dengan sahabat saya. Its hard when you tried and its not working as well as you would have expected!

Kebetulan saya menjalani proses berpantang bersama dengan seorang sahabat. It is actually a very sweet coincidence which Allah has engineered for us because both of us are first time moms. Walaupun sebelum mengandung kami memang sudah pun berkenalan dan berkawan tetapi dengan bila dah mengandung, persahabatan kami bertambah rapat. 

Kalau nak diikutkan memang saya rasa tak puas hati tak dapat menyusukan Auni, sekurang-kurangnya hingga dia berumur 6 bulan. Saya dah buat pelaburan yang besar. I bought that MEDELA freestyle breastpump. Ketika itu nak beg handbag pun saya agak berkira tapi saya beli sebab sangat teruja nak menyusukan anak. Saya perhatikan je harganya di beberapa online stores, bila harga dah turun terus saya beli. Waktu tu ada beberapa bulan lagi sebelum Auni lahir. Itu belum campur dengan saya beli peti ais baru. Peti ais yg sedia ada tu, tuan rumah yang sediakan. Bahagian freezernya tak berapa nak sejuk. Setelah mencongak budget yang ada, kami membuat keputusan, kita belilah peti ais baru. Beli yang baru & OK, boleh terus bawa balik ke Malaysia bila dah habis belajar. 

Walau apa pun, syukur pada Allah, setakat ini perkembangan Auni tiada cacat celanya. Tapi dari pemerhatian kami suami isteri terhadap perkembangan Auni berdasarkan milestone chart (link di bawah artikel), perkembangan Auni 95% berada dalam column yang ketiga. Kalau rakan-rakan yang membaca coretan ini menganggap saya terlampau memuji anak sendiri, saya minta maaf. I cannot help but feeling grateful for her advanced skills despite my decision to stop breastfeeding her. 

Milestone chart:1 to 6 months

Milestone chart:7 to 12 months

************************************************************************************************************

2014
Bila diingat semula memang saya emosional ketika itu. Bulan pertama kelahiran Auni, hanya saya dan suami berdua yang menguruskan diri saya & Auni. Disebabkan oleh hal-hal tertentu suami saya terpaksa bekerja full day di restoran, cuma waktu senggang di antara jam 4-6 petang saja dia balik sekejap. Saya tak nafikan memang saya tertekan. 

Jadi, pada para ibu yang sangat 'gung-ho' tentang breastfeeding ni, saya faham peduli anda. Anda mahu semua kanak-kanak menikmati khasiat susu ibu. Baguslah begitu. Namun anda perlu faham juga, setiap orang berdepan dengan tekanan yang berbeza dan mempunyai keterbatasan yang berlainan. Lagipun, breastfeeding ni bukanlah masalah dunia pun sampaikan anda nak melabel ibu-ibu yang tak menyusui bayinya dengan negatif label. 

Terima kasih membaca. Jumpa lagi :)

Apology

I have been away from my blog for quite some time. I feel bad for not taking some time to write here.
Let me apologize for those who e-mailed me and did not get any reply.

The thing is, your messages did not go straight into my mailbox, they got pulled together under the 'Social' section in my mailbox. Please accept my humble apology if your are waiting for my reply.

I am trying to be mo dedicated to my blog this year. There are a lot of things that happen during my PhD journey that I have yet to share with you. Insya-Allah, I will try to find time to write them.

Until then, enjoy your weekend.

After everything has been said and done

I went to see my supervisor the day after I submitted my thesis. Supposedly I have to get her signature on the thesis submission form prior to submitting my thesis to the postgraduate office but I forgot. Hehe... (Nasib baiklah staff kat kaunter tu terima je thesis daku setelah melihat muka blur daku).

While signing the form, she asked "Are you satisfied [with you thesis]?"

I almost said "NO" but quickly change my mind and said "About 90%".

"That's a miracle coming from you."

It was a huge relief to finally submit my thesis after 4 years of studying and working. Of course given a choice, I would want to redo some part of it (continue some simulation, read some more journals, bla bla bla).

About a week after the submission, I received an e-mail from my supervisor, A forwarded e-mail between her and my internal and external examiners discussing the date for my viva. They agreed to have the viva on the afternoon of the second week of March, 2013. So I have just few weeks to prepare for my viva as well as packing our stuff to go back home. Remember, I have used up my four years of study leave from Ministry of Higher Education hence I have to go back home at the soonest possible. So we decided to book a small freight with a shipping company to come and collect our stuff and booked flight tickets to go home few days after I sit for my viva.

I have always thought we don't have that much of stuff because we rarely go to car boot sales and we rarely bid on e-bay. All the stuff we bought are planned for. So when it comes to packing our stuff I thought it won't take more than a week. Oh! How wrong can I be! Eeek! So don't underestimate how much stuff do you have.

Honestly I only start reading my thesis from cover to cover a week before my viva. I also used that time to run some more simulation on my mathematical model; on the part which I think the examiners might have questions. Oh! I manage to slip in sewing some pants for Auni during this time.

My husband and daughter were ready to send me to school about one and half hour before my viva took place. As we were just about to go out, there is a water leakage from upstairs. Urrghhh! Seriously, the tenant upstairs is making me crazy. She and her son manage to drive us crazy with their constant water leakage from their kitchen. The saddest part is the leakage goes straight to the place where we drain our dinnerware. My husband urges me to just leave the mess and let him clear it once he gets home. Of course I said NO, so I clean up the mess, rewash the dinnerware and put them away. Oh! I also went to see the upstairs tenant and give my piece of mind.

I sat with my supervisor for half an hour before the viva start, just for a small chat. I was a little nervous but not nervous nervous. At that point, the feeling that I have is more like "This is it and I am dead tired, I know what I am doing, I will explain and answer any questions the best I can." I also chat with my postdoc for few minutes. I am glad I took his advice, "Enjoy your viva, this is the only time you get to really talk about your thesis."

The viva took about two and half hours. Both of the examiners were nice; they set the atmosphere of the viva to feel more like a discussion rather than an exam. I still remember the external examiner introduction of the viva "We are trying to determine whether you did the work that was written in the thesis..."

I waited about 20 minutes outside the room where I had my viva before the internal examiner call me in. So the grand finale finally is here. I can hardly suppressed my excitement when the external examiners said "Reading your thesis is a pleasure to both of us." At that moment, the only thought that cross my mind is 'I think I pass the viva. Oh! I HOPE I pass.'

The external examiner then continued on saying "Congratulations, you are awarded a PhD subjected to the six months corrections, Dr. Nor Fadhillah."
(Rasa nak melompat pun ada masa ni, hahaha).

So, after everything has been said and done, this is it:

Somersault

Auni is already 14 months this month. How time flies. She's more mobile now, non-stop walking/running in the house. Well, she's not actually running running, but she does walk fast. Daring us to catch her. She is curious about everything. Touching and tasting everything everywhere.

Sometime she does push my buttons. Like when she tries to climb out of the bath tub whenever I'm done giving her a shower . I've tried to reason with her, explaining that it is dangerous to do so. I know, I know some of you might think I'm crazy trying  to explain things to a toddler but I believe that is much better than shouting at her.

These past few days, she put her head and body in a position as she is about to do a somersault. I always picked her up immediately if I saw her doing it. Yesterday she did it again and that was when I raised my voice. She starts crying of course but calm down immediately when I hugged her. I'm worried if she do it when I'm in the toilet or in the kitchen. Do I worry unnecessarily?

eager to write whenever she sees a pen/pencil :)

playing 'ghost' with my tudung :)

Life can be hard sometimes

Life a little crazy these days. With my husband working almost full time and me trying to finish this endless journey. Yes, I am still writing my thesis. In the middle of that, I am still working on my second case study. Totally different data set (i.e. different measurement, different variables, etc). To make things more worse challenging, after I have produced multiple sets of results from my model on this data, we (my postdoc, the professor from the collaboration research team & myself) found that the analysis just represent 5% of the total data population. Eeekkk... It is not anybody fault. Let's just say things happen and they happen for a reason. This happened mid-August. So by now, I've recovered from the stress and panic that glitch had caused.

I've met with my supervisor last two weeks and highligted some obsevations and conclusions drawn from my second case study. Also, I try to negotiate with her to put a pause/stop in this second case study. I totally understand why they (research team) are passionate with the method I'm working on but I am at the point where I want to continue with the research but my funding has already run out. In fact, my funds ran out in July 2012. This second case study (as well as my first case study) if fully succesfull will be quite a breakthrough in an emerging field.

Pushing through all this hardships has most of the time takes its toll on me. Really. I'm ever so grateful to Allah for giving an understanding and supportive husband. Sometimes he can looks like he does not care because he didn't ask about my research progress. But I know he cares when he is alright if I don't cook for certain day (which is seldom), when he said we arrange for packing our things once you get your date for viva, and many other instances.

Ya Hayyu, ya Qayyumu, bi-rahmatika astaghithu 

(O the Living, O the Eternal, I seek help in Your grace)

boleh hubungi saya di...

Pada Maria & Zakiah yang meminta alamat emel saya, cik/ puan boleh hubungi saya di alamat emel berikut:
nanadilla at yahoo titik com
atau
nanadilla at gmail titik com

mana2 pun ok saja :)

Terima kasih sudi meluangkan masa berkunjung ke blog saya, meninggalkan komen & menguhubungi saya :)

Our Auni is 1 today



You are so happy to be out and about :)



Our Auni is expected to be delivered on the 23rd August, 2011 but she didn't. We think she liked it too much in there :)
At first we thought she wanted to wait until 1st Syawal to make her debut. Erkk... WRONG! No sign of her. Then we thought she wanted to be 'anak merdeka' (31st August). Errk... WRONG again!.

Finally, on the 7th of September, nearly at the turn of the clock to reach midnight, there she is. Lots of hair (and long too, reaching her neck) & kicking on her way out; our precious Auni.

 

You refuse to smile even the tiniest bit at the photography shop :(

 Auni, you are ONE year old today. Happy Birthday Darling :)

There's so much happening during this one year and sometime I forget to record them. Even though I forget to record them, it does not mean I forget about them. So here are some of the fondest memories in your 1st year...

1.  You are such a good baby. You start sleeping well at the age of 1-2 months. Bless you.
2. At 5 months, you start saying Ibu and Papa.
3. You always smile even with strangers.
4. The things people always say about you is "Auni is such a happy baby." and "She's not afraid of other people." & "She has lovely eyes.
5. You like watching your nasyid Anak-Anak Islami.
6. You like watching Fireman Sam & Numtums, and of course your favorites: Baby Jack & Raa Raa The Noisy Lion.
7. You like going to playgroup and making friends with other babies.
8. You kick hard, even in the water (remember the time you go to such a distance in the water during your Water Peep session).
9. You like to JUMP when you are about 6-7 months old. I mean REALLY JUMP!
10. You start taking small steps when you are about 8 months old.
11. And one evening, as we were playing bubbles, you start to confidently walk just so that you can catch the bubbles :)
12. You like to clap whenever we sing to you.
13. Sometimes you woke up at night and clap your hand :)
14. You are always so determine.
15. You are one cheeky little girl. Whenever you sit on our lap, or when we hold you, and we are not paying attention to you, you would nod you head sideway and make funny faces :)
16. You would sit on my lap when I sit between prostration and during Tahiyat whenever I am performing solat.
17. You succeeded in doing your vertical climbing about two days ago.
18. You are quite ahead of many milestones except for first tooth. Your first tooth debut itself when you are about 9 months old.

... and of all things, you are truly a MIRACLE to us.



Laughing & clapping your way around town :)



Shopping at Dorothy Perkins and H&M

I got to know from a friend that a (or two?) H&M store will open soon in Malaysia.
The first thing that cross my mind is what is the price range of the clothings, etc?

Let me share with you some of my shopping experience at Dorothy Perkins and H&M. I don't go shopping for myself often (shopping for my daughter is entirely a different episode :P). If I do, it's usually during sales months, like Boxing Day (starts on the next day afer Christmas going on until January), Spring Sale (around March-April) and Summer Sale (around July-August). Even then, I rarely shop for clothes.

I consider the price range for clothings at Dorothy Perkins and H&M as affordable if compared to clothings line at John Lewis, Debenhams, and Fenwick (this great store does not have an online store, what a shame!) to name a few. Even if you convert the UK prices to Malaysian Ringgit, I'd still say it is quite cheap compared to Dorothy Perkins and H&M prices in Malaysia. Dorothy Perkins for example, most of the time has a sale for two pairs of jeans at the price of 25pound. That is only RM100!!! At H&M, you can get a pair of jeans at 3pound (RM15)! YES! I am not kidding you girls, that is during summer sale!

(Just so you know, the quality of the clothings at John Lewis and Fenwick are way at the top compared to Dorothy Perkins and H&M)

There's another store which has plenty of pretty clothing lines for kids, it is called NEXT. I love love love NEXT's kids clothing; the quality, the design and the colours are fabulous! NEXT usually has about 3-4 sales lined up in a year. The sales start at 6.00a.m. in the morning and people starts queueing in front of the store around 4a.m! I know it sounds CRAZY but believe me, it is worth it. Sadly, I always miss NEXT's sales. I always got to know about it the day after the sales. So by the time I went all the good stuff has been taken. The only time I got lucky was during NEXT's recent summer sale. I somehow got to know about the sale few hours after it started. Being few hours late, I went to the store with little interest because I know there's not much option anymore. Surprisingly, there're PLENTY more. The perk of NEXT sales is that all stuff are 50% off. If you have a little girl, imagine how to stay sane and not buying beautiful dresses at half the price!

I think one of the things which I'm gonna miss when I leave UK is the sales. I know it sounds horrible but that's the truth. I don't think I can get a pair of jeans for RM15 even at pasar malam :(

Oh! Why don't I mention anything about Mark & Spencer? Well, let's just say their clothings lines (design and price wise) aren't so interesting (to my taste).

When REALITY hits!

I was cleaning up my e-mail draft when I found the following rant of mine. I wrote this quite a while ago.

*********************************************************************************
It was 5.30 in the evening. I was on my way to the toilet to clean up my coffee mug so that I have a clean mug to make coffee for tomorrow. At the landing of the staircase, I ran into Dr. Katarina, a previous ‘officemate’ of mine. She is a post-doc at our department in the university. We talked for few minutes mostly about how am I coping with work (and life!) after having a baby.

The conversation got me thinking of several things. Among others are:
· period of maternity leave
· quality time with my daughter
· bringing work back home

Most companies in the UK allows a maternity leave of 26 weeks of Ordinary Maternity Leave and 26 weeks of Additional Maternity Leave making that 52 weeks ( 1 year!) in total. It is a paid leave albeit not in full as is your salary. OK, enough about maternity leave.

I still remember my disbelief when a friend of mine who have two kids told me that she did not have time to watch any TV programme. By the way, she is working on her PhD too. I was pregnant at that time and I said,

“I’m busy too but I manage to fit in watching TV while folding my laundry.”

Now is when the reality hits me HARD.

I am a big fan of the Desperate Housewives series. I never missed an episode and I can never miss an episode. But now, it takes me like five sits to actually finish an episode. I’ve already mention it in my previous post, once I am home, my focus is my daughter until her bedtime is up. Once I put her to sleep, I am too tired to watch anything, sleeping is much more inviting.

I am pretty sure part of this is because of I am working on my PhD now. I am not one who likes to compare myself to others but I cannot help if some of my friends put up their facebook status as ‘… watching bla bla bla…” I do envy them.

I know some of you who read this up until this point will think that I am boasting. The thought “As if she’s the only one who is doing Phd” probably run through your head. Truth is I am not. This is my reality. Yours is probably different than mine, either its worse or better. I hope yours is the latter.

Bringing work back home is not something alien to me even during those days when I was still single. So when Dr. Katarina said she stayed up at night to finish her work, I totally understand that. The only difference is, I hardly stay up but I wake up early. Sometimes I do wonder how it feels to have a job where you do not have to physically bring home any work. Again I am by no means saying that my job is greater or better than others. And by no means I am whining. I am just wondering...

Nobody begins their PhD with an aim not to finish (on time)

I wrote the above as my FB status last week. No, I wasn't particularly feeling extra sensitive or edgy when I wrote that down. Honest! It just crossed my mind that most people (especially those who are not working on getting a PhD) do not have a single idea on what a PhD is all about.

Some thought working on a PhD is similar to studying for your Bachelor degree (i.e. in 4-5 years, you'll graduate)

Some thought if you are a genius, you'll definitely get a PhD.

Some thought as long as you study like MAD (like those SPM candidates), you'll PASS your VIVA.

Some thought you have to go to classes just like undergrads.

Some thought you have semester breaks, again, just like undergrads.

Some thought if you are not anywhere near the university,  you are LAZY!

Let me tell you one thing, all the above are WRONG! Well, some are partially wrong.

In less than 0.01% is PhD similar to a Bachelor degree. In what way it is similar? The part that you have to know how to read and write. The rest aren't!

Being a genius is not a guarantee that a PhD is definitely yours. But being determine and persevere does.
edited: But being determine and persevere do help though it is still not guaranteed.
Of course you need to study like MAD, but not MAD MAD. You need to be critical of what you read & write. Also, critical but not overthinking and certainly not afraid of 'what if it fails?' in determining the methods (methodology) to achieve your objectives.
Yes, as a PhD candidate/student you may have to attend classes but there's a difference. Undergrads have their paths mapped out, what classes you take, when to take it, etc. In my case, I am not required to take any classes but I have to attend numbers of workshops (certain amount of credit hours per study year are compulsory) . So in regards to my information on PhD classes, if my information is not up to date, I apologize.
PhD students do not have semester breaks but we can apply for annual leave. In my university, we are entitled for 30 days annual leave per year (if I'm not mistaken).

PhD students have the flexibility to work from home. Probably not all, but I do. I can choose to work from home if I wish too. My supervisors are OK with that.

I notice an Anonymous leaving a comment in this post. Ms/Mr Anonymous ask:
assalam.


faham tentang ikat perut pelajar phd di sana.cuma tak berapa nak faham sebab ramai jgk pelajar yang tak habis pengajian dlm masa yg ditetapkan oleh majikan. berlainan kalau pergi ke jepun. maaf saya hanya nak tahu.

wassalam.
July 18, 2012 7:17 PM

I will answer this in a later post, insya-Allah once I'm done with my writing up of the thesis. I will share with you (not just Ms/Mr Anonymous, but anyone who's willing to read a probably long post) my journey in working on my PhD. Probably from that, you'll gain an insight to answer the above question yourself. I can't promise when though.

For now let me finish with this:

Nobody (in their right mind) would want to not complete their PhD the soonest possible.

Ramadhan Kareem to all :)

Sun hat for rainy days?

  Summer is supposedly here by now. Instead we have rainy days and windy days. Well, I am not complaining. I am enjoying the weather as long as I can. Once I am back in Malaysia, there'll be no more 'no sweat' days as it is here :)

 

I made Auni a sun hat last week using this tutorial the day before the Olympic Run reach Newcastle. The plan is for her to wear it on the day of the event so we can take pretty pictures. But it rained that afternoon. So no sun hat outside, just inside the house...

Here's some more pictures from the Torch Relay event in Newcastle.  

The Olympic mascot and us

One of the official sponsors. Oh! Such a nice phone!

THE Restaurant 'RASA NUSANTARA' at the back

I don't remember the name of this gentleman, but he is one of the England football player I think.

The guys in grey are policemen.

A recipe book for babies & toddlers

When I started introducing Auni to solid food a few months ago, I have to admit I was quite lost. Other than the usual 'nasi lembik', soups, carrot and potato, what else out there can I give her? I received suggestions and tips from relatives and friends but I was still not satisfied. Seriously, I am not going to give my little Auni rice one day and potato the other. What with the rest of the week? What with her 5 a day need (fruits & veggies?) Probably because I am sort of by the book person.  If there's a meal planner, that'll be great I think. I know there probaby plenty of baby recipes all over the internet websites but I don't want to waste my time jumping from one sites to another. Then I have to either print or copy the recipe into a book so that it comes handy when I need them. So I went searching for books and there they are. Recipe books for babies. I read Amazon's reviews for many books such as Annabel Karmel's New Complete Baby & Toddler Meal Planner , Weaning, and Lorraine Kelly's Baby and Toddler Eating Plan: Over 100 Healthy, Quick and Easy Recipes. I end up buying the latter, a not so popular choice according to customers rating. Why? These two particular review is enough to stop me from buying the other books.

 I found it very strange that lots of recipes include sugar and salt??? Probably that is just my ignorance, I thought I should stay away from this ingredients until baby would be 1 y.o. - by oksi 

Great book if you have a larder the size of your local supermarket and nothing else to do all day. Some good ideas but not typically made up either of produce you would have at hand or meals you would normally make. ALso the recipes make large quantities so unless you freeze everything your baby will be eating the same meals all week. A little too idealistic for today's busy family
- by Wordsworth "reading junkie"

I am a very satisfied customer. The book is cheap. Yeah! The inside does not looks great, with its almost browny paper. But so what? The most important things are:
1) It inspires me to mix and match whatever I have in my fridge & kitchen to cook for Auni
2) Auni likes most of the recipes I tried so far

I am happy when the health visitor approves my choice of food that I gave Auni, like fishes (tuna, kod, salmon), lentils, pasta, rice, chicken, etc. I, on my own wouldn't have thought to give Auni lentils at her age. It turns out I am wrong because lentils is a very good source of protein and fibre.

Thanks for reading :)

Jawapan kepada yang bertanya mengenai study di UK vs study di Malaysia

Saya tak tau nak letak tajuk apa, harapnya tajuk itu sesuai untuk saudari yang meninggalkan pertanyaan di entry Warkah Buat Auni II.
Mungkin selepas ini kalau ada yang ingin bertanya & mengharapkan jawapan dengan segera, dicadangkan menghantar emel terus kepada saya :)

Jujurnya saya terharu bila menerima soalan sebegini kerana rasanya saya bukanlah orang terbaik untuk dijadikan rujukan. Namun saya akan usahakan untuk menjawab mengikut kemampuan saya.

Untuk membuat pilihan, saya syorkan buatlah solat istikharah. Seriously, buatlah sampai hati kita menjadi tenang untuk memilih. Saya dulupun sebelum memilih supervisor, saya lakukan solat istikharah. Alhamdulillah, setakat ini banyak urusan saya dengan supervisor Allah permudahkan. Namun walaupun kita dah melakukan solat istikharah bukanlah bermakna the rest of the journey is a bed of roses without thorns. Bukan juga bermakna CONFRIM/ GUARANTEE kita akan dapat PhD. Itu semua berada dalam pengetahuan Allah swt. 

Jalan menuju ke destinasi untuk bergelar Doctor of Philosophy bukanlah jalan yang lurus seperti highway KL-Melaka. Jalannya penuh berliku, penuh suka duka. Dugaan dan cabaran ketika kita menjalani proses pembelajaran untuk mendapatkan PhD ini tidak terbatas dalam ruang lingkup diri kita dengan supervisor dan university saja. Sebaliknya dugaan dan cabaran datang dari pelbagai sudut. Kadang-kadang kita diuji dengan berita pemergian ahli keluarga, pasangan/anak sakit, kewangan dan bermacam lagi. Jadi, walaupun kita dah buat solat istikharah, usaha kita tidak berhenti di situ sahaja. Sebaliknya pergantungan kita kepada Allah itu perlu istiqamah. Susah nak istiqamah ni sebenarnya. Memetik kata-kata seorang kawan "Kita manusia bukannya malaikat, istiqamah kita ada ups and down." Jadi kita berusahalah ke arah untuk sentiasa istiqamah itu. 

Mengenai peluang pekerjaan professional, saya memang tak ada jawapan. Cadangan saya, lebih baik cuba memohon pekerjaan sebelum datang ke sini dan look at the response you get. Kalau dapat panggilan interview tu, insya-Allah saya rasa ada peluang.

Sekiranya saudari membuat keputusan untuk belajar di UK, tidak semestinya suami perlu berhenti kerja. Ada di kalangan rakan-rakan saya, mereka datang dengan helper/nanny untuk tujuan menjaga anak-anak. Manakala suami akan datang melawat 1-2 kali dalam setahun. Perlu diingatkan bahwa di sini, harga nursery sangat mahal.

Beberapa advantages yang saya rasakan bila belajar di luar negara ialah:

1- Kita hanya perlu menguruskan diri sendiri dan keluarga. Maksud saya, kalau di Malaysia, bila ada kenduri sama ada di sebelah keluarga kita atau di sebelah keluarga kita, sibuk atau tidak, kita perlu hadirkan diri. Betul tak? Kedengarannya memang selfish tapi itulah hakikatnya. Kemudian, bila tiba Hari Raya, paling tidak 1-2 minggu kita bercuti dari buat kerja. Itu belum termasuk lagi persiapan kitauntuk menyambut Hari Raya itu sendiri. Di sini (UK/ luar negara) walaupun saya buat open house setiap kali Aidilfitri, tapi ianya tidaklah memakan masa seperti berhari raya di Malaysia. Masing-masing belajar, jadi masing-masing faham kesibukan sesama kita. 

2- Rumah sewa dekat dengan universiti. Tak perlu mengharung jalan raya yang sesak untuk pergi & balik. 2 tahun pertama di UK, saya cuma berjalan kaki ke universiti. Dalam 20-30 minit saja. Pengangkutan awam pun sangat mudah & tak perlu menunggu lama kalau kita peka dengan jadual bas/train. 

3- Cuaca yang sejuk membuatkan kita kurang 'panas'. Panas dalam hati, panas pada tubuh badan. Hehehe.. ini point yang mengarut je tapi ada betulnya. 

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In terms of language, I think we Malaysians generally do not have a big problem. You will learn to communicate in English while you are here. Supervisors usually understand that English is our second language so they don't expect you to have flawless English. Sesetengah universiti seperti Newcastle University ada menyediakan kursus Bahasa Inggeris untuk postgraduate students FOC. Walaupun ianya tidak wajib, tapi saya ambil juga. Tak salah kita belajar untuk menambah pengetahuan dan dalam masa yang sama boleh membantu kita. Satu yang perlu saya beritahu ialah di UK ni, lain tempat lain slang Bahasa Inggerisnya. Tempat seperti Newcastle ni di mana penduduk asalnya dipanggil Geordie, slangnya agak pekat dan kadang-kadang perkataan yang kita memang tak pernah dengar seumur hidup.  

Contoh:

Hia = here

Bus (sebutan baku) = Bas

Haway= Come on

Agyen = Again

Meself= Myself

Nah! Saya confident sangat, kalau orang yang IELTS 9 sekalipun pasti terpinga-pinga mendengarkan perkataan ini. Tempat-tempay seperti Liverpool dan Manchester juga slangnya pekat dan berlainan sungguh. Cubalah cari interview Steven Gerard di youtube dan cuba dengar. Hehehe...

Untuk diri saya, Alhamdulillah, saya tiada masalah dengan IELTS mungkin sebab saya graduate dari US; dan sebelum ke US dulu saya perlu menghadiri kursus intensif Bahasa Inggeris. Salah seorang dari supervisor saya adalah Geordie dan masa awal-awal dulu, adalah juga beberapa perkataan yang dia sebut tu saya tak dapat tangkap. But it is not a problem for me to continue with my research work. Jadi, masalah BI ni bukanlah masalah besar, jangan risau OK :)

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Elaun untuk pasangan dalam pengetahuan saya memang akan diberikan kepada pelajar-pelajar yang membawa pasangan. Ramai je yang pasangannya mengambil unpaid leave. 

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Elaun yang diberikan oleh KPT+U akan cukup kalau cuaca di sini sentiasa summer. Ataupun saudari tinggal di rumah yang tak perlu pasang heater (which is impossible). Dari pengalaman saya, duit banyak habis kat bil gas & elektrik. Jadi bila kita dah guna duit KPT+ U untuk membayar segala bil, baki yang tinggal cukuplah untuk makan. Oh! Makanan di sini insya-Allah masih murah walaupun harganya sudah naik sedikita berbanding tahun-tahun sebelum ini. Ayam, kambing & sayur murah. Daging lembu mahal sedikit. Ikan kalau musim panas lebih murah berbanding musim sejuk. Kalau tinggal di kawasan yang ada jeti, lebih baik beli ikan di jeti sebab harganya jauh lebih murah dari di pasar. 

Saya rasa memang perlu bekerja. Tambah-tambah lagi ada anak. Kita mesti nak beli mainan & pakaian untuk anak-anakkan? Sekali sekala nak juga pergi jalan-jalan untuk menghilangkan stress belajar. Yelah, nak balik kampung jauh. Jadi untuk perkara-perkara tambahan sebegini, perlulah bekerja. Dan kalau ada perancangan untuk membeli sedikit sebanyak barang keperluan rumah di Malaysia, maka perlulah bekerja. 

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Harapnya, segala yang saya tulis ni dapat membantu. All the best in your study! :)

Quran stories for kids

Dalam post yang lepas, Puan Nurul Huda of Temporary Getaway ada bertanya di mana nak dapatkan buku-buku yang pernah saya ceritakan dalam post Rutin saya. Setelah berbincang dengan suami, kami mengambil inisiatif untuk menjual buku-buku ini di Malaysia.

Boleh tengok di link Quran Stories for Kids ini.
Nanti bila ada kelapangan saya akan upload di blog.

Warkah untuk Auni II

Assalamualaikum Auni, anakanda yang ibu papa sayang,

Ibu tidak sepatutnya membuang masa di sini tatkala ibu dihimpit kesempitan waktu sebegini. Ibu punya kurang dari 4 bulan untuk menyudahkan pembelajaran ibu. Jika tidak, ibu harus memohon pemanjangan (extension) tempoh cuti belajar untuk kali kedua dari majikan ibu. Walaupun hakikatnya ibu masih punya tempoh 10 bulan di tempat ibu belajar untuk menyiapkan semua analisis dan penulisan tesis ibu.

Sebetulnya ibu rasa bersalah pada Auni, sungguh. Terasa ibu masih kurang ilmu untuk menjadi ibu yang terbaik untuk Auni. Ibu baru membaca Wallahi..kami letih sebentar tadi dan sepanjang pembacaan ibu terfikir, akukah isteri yang merungut itu?  Akukah ibu yang sering mengulang-ulang perkataan letih itu? Ya, jawapannya YA walaupun ibu seringkali cuba memujuk hati untuk sabar & tahu erti bersyukur, punya suami yang memahami dan anak yang tidak banyak kerenah.

Kenapalah sukar benar untuk ibu bangun solat malam walaupun ibu sering terjaga sebelum masuknya waktu Subuh?
Kenapalah semakin culas mengulang pembacaan surah-surah Al-Quran walaupun itu yang ibu tekadkan dalam hati?
Bagaimana mungkin ibu mampu mendidik Auni untuk melakukan ini semua jika ibu tidak mampu mendidik diri ibu sendiri?

Auni,
Ibu tidak mungkin dapat menjadi ibu yang sempurna tapi ibu akan berusaha untuk menjadi ibu yang mampu menjadi role model terbaik untuk Auni, Insya-Allah.

Ya Allah, lidah ini, hati ini seringkali mengharapkan pertolongan-Mu, bantuan-Mu, tetapi amal ini, perbuatan ini seringkali tercicir dari memahatkan pengharapan pada-Mu. Bantulah aku Ya Allah.

CHELSEA No. 8 For SALE!

Here is an original CHELSEA home jersey No. 8 (size Adult M) for sale. Anyone interested, just e-mail me OK :)

Jawapan Kepada Soalan-soalan yang lepas

Saya baru perasan ada beberapa soalan yang dikemukan dalam komen-komen yang ditinggalkan. Minta maaf sangat-sangat sebab saya tak perasan komen tu. Untuk pembaca yang bertanya, harap puas hati dengan jawapan yang saya beri ni :)

Soalan 1 -from ikhramismail dalam Tips mencari rumah sewa di UK
sy nak tny la..ade tips2 untuk senang dpt rumah sewe tak..bagi situasi sy, sy akn ke bath pada 17/9 ni..tp hampir semua rumah sewe yg saya bekenan..tak nak ambik student.pastu tul ker kalo nak deposit murah kene ade akuan bank kat uk..kalo tak diorang akn mintk sampai 6 bulan deposit..keje giler tu...

Jawapan:
Tips nak dapatkan rumah sewa mudah ialah amik rumah sewa dari senior yang dah nak balik. Tetapi perlu diingatkan agar meminta tuan rumah ganti semua barang-barang yang rosak & baiki mana-mana bahagian rumah yang tak elok. Seboleh-bolehnya pastikan tuan rumah cat baru. Kalau rasa patut,minta tuan rumah ganti karpet. Bukan apa, kebanyakkan rumah sewa di UK ni (sepanjang rumah kawan-kawan yang saya pernah pergi), memang mengalami masalah kelembapan. Jadi bahagian bilik mandi& tandas serta dapur mudah berkulat. Eh! Bilik tidur pun mudah berkulat juga!

Berkenaan dengan deposit 6 bulan tu, saya tak pernah dengar pulak. Kebiasaan yang saya pernah alami, deposit hanya sebulan sewa rumah.


Soalan 2 -from Ghostz dalam Tips mencari rumah sewa di UK
Salam..Actually tgh cr info about life in Newcastle Uni when I came across ur blog.Sy akan start class Sept 2011, so mmg tgh cr info or tips about life kat sane. I'm a bit worried sbb dapat uni accomodation dkt Bowsden Court, South Gosforth.Is it really a hassle to take the Metro everyday?FYI, sy student Mara.Do share ur thoughts.Thanks!

Jawapan:
Rasanya Encik/Cik Ghostz ni mesti dah selamat sampai ke Newcastle. Saya tak dapat nak jawab soalan ni dengan 100% kepastian sebab tak pernah naik metro. Cumanya mungkin terpaksa mengeluarkan belanja lebih sedikit untuk tambang metro berbanding dengan tinggal di kawasan yang berhampiran dengan universiti. Juga sekiranya ada strike macam baru-baru ni, mungkin terpaksa memilih untuk work from home.


Soalan 3 -from An Aspiring Writer dalam Burp Cloth & Baby Laundry Sack - DONE
puan dilla, ada tutorial burp cloth yg puan boleh share? saya tgk kain burp puan tu tak jelas bahan apa yg diguna..blh explain?

 Jawapan:
Update on burp cloth. Pada saya burp cloth ini sangat berguna! Auni anak dara saya tu sekarang dah pandai meluahkan susu bila dia moody ataupun bila dia tak berapa nak minum sangat. Kalau guna bib biasa memang sah baju pun basah sama. Jadi kami gunakan burp cloth ni sebagai bib/alas dada Auni ketika dia minum susu. Kalau dia jeluak atau muntah semasa/selepas minum susu, mudah nak lap pun ye jugak.


Burp cloth yang saya jahit, saya gunakan kain tuala dan kain cotton atau polycotton. Kain tuala tu saya beli tuala paling besar dan kemudian saya gunting ikut size burp cloth yang saya kehendaki.



Ini ada beberapa link tutorial burp cloth.


Tutorial 1
Tutorial 2
Tutorial 3

 Soalan 4: from ~cahaya~ & Huddy dalam Rutin
mana beli buku yang first 2 tu? berminat laa... & Assalam dear, yup, interested with the first two books too :)

Jawapan:
 Buku yang ditanya ini merujuk kepada posting ini Rutin. Kedua-dua buku ini suami saya beli di Newcastle, UK. Sekiranya ada yang berminat untuk mendapatkan buku ini, boleh maklumkan kepada saya. Saya & suami merancang untuk menambah lagi koleksi buku-buku untuk Auni. Jadi sekiranya ada yang mahu membeli, insya-Allah saya boleh beli & jual kepada rakan-rakan.