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Saturday, November 8, 2008

Disoerder in Court

Korang pernah tgk drama bersiri The Practice? Dah lama jugak cerita ni. Tahun 1997-2000 dulu cerita antara drama bersiri yang best la kat US. Takat ni aku tak jumpa lagi drama mengenai peguam atau kes-kes mahkamah yang menarik keluaran Malaysia.

Bukan nak kutuk barang keluaran negara sendiri, tapi itulah hakikatnya. Tengok jelah rating siri-siri macam CSI, Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives dan banyak lagi. Walaupun ada jalan cerita tu ada yg tak/kurang logik, tapi kita boleh maafkan sebab penulis script tu tak memperbodohkan kita (insulting our intelligence) sepertimana drama-drama usop selam yg memang bodoh piang tu. Aku rasa aku boleh dapat tekanan darah tinggi disertai sakit mental yang kritikal kalau aku cuba menonton drama-drama usop selam ni.

Apa pun aku sebenarnya bukan nak bercerita pasal kerendahan IQ drama-drama usop selam, aku nak kongsi cerita-cerita benar yang berlaku dalam mahkamah kat US sana yg orang bukukan dalam buku bertajuk 'Disorder in American Court'.
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
_______________________________ _______
ATTORNEY: ; This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: I thank so!!
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.