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Saturday, May 10, 2008

Happy Mother's Day :D

I'm not a mother yet. Insya-Allah, I hope once I've finished my probation period-2 years after a complete cycle of chemotheraphy- my husband and I will have the chance to have few children of our own. Yes, I like children, but I don't know whether I can be a good mother or not. I hope I can.

I don't really celebrate mother's day because I think I have to appreciate my mother everyday. Just in my case, it's not actually my mother, it's my grandmother. Not because I don't have a mother but it's more because my grandmother is the person who raised me up since I was baby. She's the figure who took care of me and also who spanked me when she feels I've done something inappropriate. She's the one who stands beside me all this while. Of course now I'm married I have the honor of having two people standing beside me.

We do have our differences. Especially in our perspectives. She was born in 1950s and I was born in 1970s. The 40 years age gap tells it all. I still remember one heated arguement that we had almost 8 years back, and she cried. I regret it tremendously. But at the same time it makes me realize our differences in opinion. From that time, I learn slowly how to make her see different sides of circumstances without causing any arguement between us; and of course she's very unwilling to give up her first thought.

Although we live far apart from each other-not that far actually- about 110km, the distance doesn't seperate us; it just makes us closer emotionally. Recently, something went wrong with her left eye-one which just undergone a cataract operation. Not surprisingly, I'm the first person she called. I appreciate the fact that I'm the person she turns to whenever she fall sick; or when something disturbs her emotion. I'm very grateful too that my husband does not just understand the bond between me and my grandmother, but he is also very supportive of it.

My grandmother will not be able to read this as she doesn't 'do internet' and she doesn't read English, but I hope she knows how much I love her. Actually, I do not just love her, but I also respect her for raising me up and not spoiling me. She gave me the space to grow up independently but at the same time being very strict on the dos and don'ts. She may just finish her standard 6 but she won't let her children (including me and my sister) to settle for less. One thing I'm sure about, second to Allah's will, I won't be where I am now if its not because of her.

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