A year later...

About a year ago...
I remember sitting in front of Dr. Gill at O&G Clinic, HKL. My appointment was to see Dr. Murali. Unfortunately he wasn't available that day. Thus Dr. Gill took over in delivering the lab report/analysis of my ovarian cysts which they took out two weeks before. I went in alone the first time since my number is up but my husband is still looking for parking space.

I remember being so calm when he told me there are cancer cells in my ovarian cysts.

I remember my tears started to roll down endlessly when he said the only way to assure none reoccurrence is to take out my whole reproduction system.

I remember the crying scene repeat itself when I went in the second time with my husband later.

I remember being happy the past few months for two obvious reasons; I've completed my chemotherapy cycle, and the reading of protein CA125 which indicates the level of cancerous cell in my blood is under control.

Last week, everything sorts of crumble again as I listened to Dr. Murali telling me that the reading of protein CA125 in my blood has shoot up and went beyond the safe level.

I remember sitting in front of him feeling numb. Not shocked just numb.

I remember not crying but chuckling at the absurdity at the turn around of event.

Although its not final yet, not until next week when my latest blood test and CT scan results of this week will verify the previous blood test result, I do have to think of the possibility of having to go through another cycle of chemotherapy. Plus the other possibility. Yes, not being able to... Allah forbid, I don't want to think about it but sometimes the thought does cross my mind.

As I walk out of the O&G Clinic last week, I told myself to be strong and to pray for the best.
( I didn't call my husband immediately. I waited until that evening, after dinner to tell him the sad news.)

I keep telling myself, may be, just may be, this is Allah's way to remind me to give more sedaqah as I've planned to. Yes, I've planned to give more sedaqah but yet to fulfill it.

I keep praying to Allah;
"Ya Allah, please give us strength to face this challenge. And please reward us upon our patience in facing this challenge."

*The 2nd sentence in my prayer is actually a prayer cited by a muslimah during our Prophet Muhammad time. I don't really remember her exact name but I remember the history. She lost her sons (3 sons if my memory serves me well) to the war between Muslims and Kuffar. Allah rewarded her for her patience when Prophet Muhammad makes her his wife.